Happy Halloween Fun

I've decided this is a fun Halloween game, or at least to me.

Enjoy!

http://www.dedge.com/flash/hangman/index.html

Lack of a Strong Day

Sorry readers, I feel as if I should publish a post because some time has passed.

I'm going "off the cuff" today, so this could potentially be like one of those diary journal entry type of blogs. My apologizes. But it could shape into something.

On a random side note, it's been awhile since I've written a short story. I'm trying to get the creative juices flowing enough to write one for a friend of mine. That's all she's wanted as a gift from me for years, and I haven't done it yet. I'm thinking this year could be the year. So I'd like to write a story for her by Christmas.
That seems so much easier said than done. I know I need a plot or a thesis statement to roll with, but my mind just becomes a blank at that. When I'm driving or not able to write ideas down, I get fabulous scenes and dialogues in my head, but nothing to put down in a "story" with a beginning or an end. I am feeling the writer's block swing at my head. Oh well.

Also, I would just like to add a reality check to my positive quotes. I keep them. I look at them. I try to live by some of them. However, today is not a strong day.

Today is one of those days where I have a hard time keeping myself together, and worst of all, keeping myself together in public. I went back to the stock room to get some boxes for the front of the shop, and I could barely sign out the boxes without tears rolling down my face in front of the stock room boy.

Do you ever have those days? You realize you could be worse off? You realize you could be blind, limb-less, starving on a street corner... Or not even on a street corner, you could be out feeling that way in the middle of nowhere without the countless amount of people walking by ignoring your struggle feeling you probably got there because you're a crack head. Yet knowing things could be worse doesn't really make you feel any better. Have you had these moments or days?

That's what today feels like for me. Today is not an effective mask day. Today is not the day where my emotional mask is on so I can smile and get through the day when dealing with customers. Hopefully it will improve, on more levels than just the surface.

I just try to remind myself that I'm stronger than I once was, and I can make it through anything. I say this. I know it's true. I still hurt.

I feel like the only way through these kind of moments is just to wade through them. Don't ignore it or push it aside, but make it to the other side stronger.... This is much easier said than done.

Good luck to anyone who can relate. I'm rooting for you.

Jealousy

Have you ever been jealous over someone who wasn't yours?

I realize that people are not property, but there is a sort of "he's mine"/ "she's mine" when it comes to relationships. Would you agree?

I was out at a gathering with friends last night and realized I'm jealous. It's quite disturbing, and I don't like it.

I don't even think I'm jealous of a person. I'm jealous of an idea.

There's a guy that part of me wants, and the other part of me doesn't. The feeling is mutual with him.
There's a girl who's in love with and dating a guy who's.... Well.... He's interesting. He's loud and obnoxious, and has a tendency to not always tend to his girlfriend's emotional needs. Sometimes I wonder if he really doesn't pick up on things because he's not use to long-term, serious relationships, or if he is just an insensitive ass. But she is in love with him and they've been dating for over a year. All of these people hang out in a particular friend circle.

I'm also not always one for subtle. But for awhile now, I've noticed a subtle, under the skin flirtation between the guy that I seem to want and don't want and the girl in love with the interesting guy. After last night (really I think sooner than that), I feel if the girl in love with the interesting guy decides love isn't enough to make that relationship work or they break up, she and the guy I sometimes want and don't want could be an item. I think this came more to light last night than any other because someone else in the circle also noticed the subtle friendly flirtation between the two and commented, as well. For some reason, I think that put me in a bit of a funk today.

I don't know why. I remember a year ago, I was encouraging the guy to date other people (we kind of dated before and after that moment), I wanted him to go out and find a woman that would make him happy. I honestly thought I felt within myself that I wanted both of us to be happy, so if we aren't making each other happy, then there's no reason to waste time dating each other. We'll just continue as friends and hope for the best for each other. I was working with that attitude for awhile. But today, I sit here feeling bummed that it's not me he wants.

I feel like I've been doing a mantra of one of my bathroom wall quotes:

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe I'm PMS-ing. I think they could make a cute couple. I question them making it to marriage, but they could be good for each other. But I guess I've been single for so long now that I'm getting jealous of the idea that someone can find his or her other, and be treated like the beautiful and desirable person (inside and out) that he/she deserves. Whether I've been single or in a relationship, I always use to have a huge inward smile when I saw people find that person to be in love with and share joy with. But right now, I'm sorry to say, I'm jealous.

So there's my confession that's been distracting my work day.
Back to the trenches.