Story Time with the Wonderer

On most work days, I tend to take an after lunch restroom break. Nothing that extraordinary, just how things work with me. And as I've learned, apparently this is common for other women at my work place. I've learned there are certain times of the day when high traffic occurs in the women's restroom. It's usually about an hour or two after the designated lunch break.

I go into the restroom. There are two stalls currently filled. Due to how those people chose their designated stalls, I will have to share a wall with someone. I like my space, but I make due when necessary.

So I'm sitting in my stall, completing the necessary drainage, re-applying my make-up (yes, I like to multi-task), when out of the blue I hear...

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

from the stall next to me.

I pause.

I smile.

I think to myself.

I no longer can remember which thought came first, vibrator or cell phone on vibrate. Nonetheless, both options came to mind. But as I listened to the buzzing, I waited.

I figured if the buzzing stops soon and goes in pulses, cell phone. If not, vibrator.

It stopped. Cell phone probability confirmed to me. Since she was in the stall right next to me, I didn't hear any indication of an orgasm or the heavy breathing of someone who wanted to orgasm but needs to get back to work. And if she did orgasm, I am rather impressed she could do it that fast and with no noise.

But the best part of this story is that it doesn't stop there.

As I'm sitting in my stall pondering all the options after the vibrating stopped, the woman in the stall actually felt the need to vocalize to us, "It's my cell phone."

I think that is truly what made this worth writing. She too had her mind in a place of alternatives for the cause of the buzzing from her stall. So much so, to her embarrassment, she felt she needed to clear the air with the complete strangers who didn't watch her walk into the stall, would have never known who she was in any way, shape, or form, and most likely didn't care. That made me smile this afternoon.

We all chuckled from our respective stalls. Then proceeded to have a bit of a conversation regarding the incident.

Ahhh, the Women's restroom. It truly feels like a separate world within this one sometimes. :)

Strawberry Shortcake

Sometimes forwards are cute. Sometimes they make me wonder. Sometimes both. Sometimes neither.

Today I received the forward below and decided to share. I wonder what psychiatrists really think about this type of forward.

I wonder what it would be like if someone came to see a therapist and told the therapist, I picked a dessert on a forward and it said this about my personality, what do I do?

Would he smack the patient on the head and say, "Congratulations! You do need therapy."? Wonder how much money he would milk the client for the session? Since the patient is showing gullibility and a potential for dependency on how others perceive him, would the psychiatrist simply dive into the session and figure out how to help the patient focus on his underlying problems? (I could go into a side rant about I Heart Huckabees right now, but that would lose focus.)

I wonder if the scarier thing would be the person who does need help, and decides to not go to the psychiatrist because the person took this forward test and thought, "Yep. I'm sane. Better cancel that shrink appointment."

These are the things I over-analyze when I should be doing other productive activities.

I will attempt to minimize my additional comments to the forward. However, there is no guarantee.

The Forward:

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose? (Sorry, you can only pick one!) Trust me...This is very accurate.

(Who exactly am I trusting in this situation? My dear friend who sent this to me? Or am I going on blind faith just as my friend did? I think I am more willing to trust this could be cute and fun instead of accurate. Is this a sign of trust issues? Already the inward stress begins.)

Pick your dessert, then look to see what psychiatrists think about you. After taking this dessert personality test, send this e-mail on to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box above.

ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.

(I won't even begin to comment on the pressure to share your personality with others. Let alone fill up your supposed friends in-boxes with forwards. Maybe I am a private person and don't want others to know my inner-workings if this is accurate.)

Here are your choices:

1. Angel Food Cake
2. Brownies
3. Lemon Meringue
4. Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing
5. Strawberry Short Cake
6. Chocolate on Chocolate
7. Ice Cream
8. Carrot Cake

No, you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be...
OK - Now that you've made your choice this is what research says about you...

(This is when I re-read the rules to understand that it's asking which dessert would I pick right now if it was in front of me, not which one is my favorite)







1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

3. LEMON MERINGUE --Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. Can be very emotional.

6. CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.


Has anyone else noticed that there is no option for serial killer? Something along the lines of if you choose bread pudding, you are most likely to abuse small animals? Maybe those desserts were left out so people could feel better about themselves. This definately limits one's options to define one's personality.

I must admit I was debating between a few different desserts before scrolling. I like just about every dessert in the list... Lemon Meringue is my least favorite.

Another question to ponder, does this mean if I'm not that fond of lemon meringue I'm somehow lacking in sexiness, but am able to chew gum and walk at the same time?

Sadly, after all of this, I must admit, I can see the accuracy in my dessert choice & how I'm feeling lately. I know one who could disagree about the warm and loving, but that's just because that person is currently pouting. I question the "intuitively keen" part of my personality description. Oh well.
*mutters* Stupid accurate fruity forward.

To boot, I did send my response back to the person who sent it to me. Also, depending on how you look at it, I stopped the forward chain by not sending it to anyone else. But obviously did share this test with all of you lovely readers who could go forth and forward this to all your friends and/or email buddies.

The Cottage Cheese to Cankle Heifer Rant

The candy store does not pay all that well, so I take on second and third jobs from time to time. , One of them I work events, such as auctions, concerts, charities, etc, at different places.

Tonight I worked the supposedly upwardly mobile section of an auction charity with concert. The upwardly Mobile section is filled with people who can afford to bid $350,000 for 4 tickets to a concert in the name of charity, and people who wish they could afford to piss away $350,000 as a tax write off to go see a Rolling Stones concert.

When I work the upwardly mobile section, I deal with a wide variety of people in those two groups. The alcohol consumption level definitely has a tendency to effect the variety of personalities. And though I met several special people tonight, I'm going to focus this rant on the woman described in the title.

My coworkers and I accept that we are not perfect. We make fun of each other and accept our imperfections. I personally know that when I looked down at my legs the other day, I realized I was in the early stages of developing cankles. For those of you who don't know what a cankle is, it is when one can't seem to differentiate b/w the calf and ankle, as if they have become one. It is usually seen on heavier set people.

Since I worked the floater position tonight, I stood by one of the doors to help with tickets into the "VIP" section at the beginning of the event. Only people with designated passes are allowed past these doors. As my coworkers and I stand there, we see this couple walk in and continue on to the other door. We promptly seize this moment to comment on the woman's attire.

This most likely in her 50's woman, who could have been in her 40's, was in a white halter top, and straight denim skirt, with a ruffle at the bottom. The skirt went down to about mid thigh. The lady wore no panty hose, and I did not pay attention to bra... I never made it that high. Well, I did notice she was blonde. I also noticed that her gut hung over the denim skirt, but at least was covered by the shirt. She did not have the peek-a-boo pooge. However, her legs could have been flattered a bit more if she decided to wear panty hose or a longer skirt. Because that skirt showed cottage cheese dimples all the way to the cankles. It was actually quite impressive. None of us had seen that before. We'd seen cottage cheese thighs before, but it takes skill to get the dimples of flesh down that low, I'm sure.

On a side note, I am by no stretch of the imagination one for current fashion. I too get ridiculed for my lack of style. Part of me feels thankful when I see people dress crazy or unflattering and look completely comfortable in what they are wearing. Another part of me wishes they don't because I can't seem to burn the images from my mind's eye.

Continuing on:

In the beginning of the evening, the woman was relatively pleasant. I could tell by some of her actions, that she and her man were new & not accustom to the VIP section. However, as the night progressed and the alcohol level increased, she didn't please me.

I'm pretty lenient at my posts. But I do get incredibly irked when people decide to ignore the obvious, like I must be at that post for a reason, and treat me like I am something to look past, like the potted plant in the waiting room of the doctor's office. I realize I am just the person in uniform that probably makes less than their house keepers, but I am a human being with a job to do.

Since my coworkers and I noticed the woman when she came into the building, I know which entrance she came in from. I.e. I also know where the exit is for her man and she to make it back to the parking garage.

So, towards the middle of the event, I'm manning my cowoker's post while she's on break. Her post was at the original door near the parking garage. Cottage Cheese to Cankle Woman and her man approach my door and attempt to try to blow right past me.

"Ticket Please. May I help you?"

"We're just trying to leave." As she points past me.

I point behind her (and before one enters my door) and inform her the exit is that way.

She proceeds to look past me and tell me, "Oh no, we're farther down this way." And tries to pass me again.

"Ticket please."

"But we're just trying to leave."

"Yes, ma'am, but if you are going to leave through these doors you need to show me your ticket." (side note: That's part of their security for the VIP section, there's a couple of different steps that have to be taken to confirm that someone didn't just come to the VIP section without a ticket for that event, or that several people try to get in using the same ticket.)

She looks frustrated (not to mention her eyes are red and glazed over), and shows me their tickets. As I'm looking at their tickets, another couple attempts to just blow right past me!!

What the bleep?!? Does a person standing at the door taking tickets just make you think, "oh wait! That's for everyone else but me, I'll just go around."

In the words of Carlos Mencia, "Dee dee dee!"

Yes, I'm aware it's the stupid and little things that cause me to rant.

So as I'm trying to speak over the loud music to tell the guy that I need to check his tickets and to please wait by the door, I reach behind me for the black light to check the hand stamps on the drunk Cottage Cheese to Cankle Woman, she and her dippy man have decided that showing me their tickets was good enough and started taking off down the hallway. I knew the woman really did belong in the VIP section, because I saw her there earlier when I made my rounds. It was just the principle of the matter that they couldn't seem to respect that I had a job to do... Same goes for the second couple. It was just odd, I've had to deal with events where hundreds of people go through my post, bribing me to get in here and there, and this felt like I was doing that type of crowd control, yet I was only dealing with 4 people! And at a charity event, no less!

Just to make things fitting, Cottage Cheese to Cankle Woman showed up at my door again because low and behold, they circled the entire floor only to come back to me stating they were lost and didn't know how to get to the parking garage which was the opening right before my door. This time when I pointed to it, they finally went in the right direction.

I hope the man was driving.

So that's my rant. Nothing really impressive or has a point, other than some times drunk people who act stupid, don't listen, and don't dress in ways to flatter themselves on top of that tend to irk me. I'm sure I've been one of them and this is karma, but still. Working a KISS concert, I could expect and prep for something like this. Working a charity event with a concert act like Yanni, not so much. Not to mention, I was actually enjoying the music, so they interrupted my groove. I'm sure that's really why I was irked above all else.

Please take care, and be sure to not drink and drive.

Wrong Humor

I accept that I have an altered sense of humor, and today I shall give an example of it.

I currently have a variety of duties at the candy shop. I'm pretty much a jack of all trades, master of nothing there. Not to mention I don't work for the average candy store. This place has taken to more than selling candy. It also does 3rd party critiques, kind of like inspections, of other candy shops throughout the state. It tends to focus its critiques on the shops that actually make candy, not just sell it.

Awhile back, a person who acts like one of my bosses gave me an assignment. He wanted me to find out if an old candy store in the middle of Nowhere still exists. If the store was there and making candy, he wanted to know so he could send out one of our critics. I like to call them inspectors. It feels fitting to me. So I did my research on the site, even called the county assessors office just to see if the place still had the same owner. I could not get a phone number, but according to everything else, there was still a candy store there and owned by the person we had on file. I presented the information to my real boss, and he suggested the site be critiqued.

When I went to find someone to do the inspection, I learned a newly knighted inspector had been assigned this formerly phantom region.

Excuse me. I am still laughing as I write this.

I found out this morning that this new knight, one of my favorite inspectors, was cursing my name yesterday. I apparently sent him to a place equivalent to that in the movie "The Hills have Eyes".

*still laughing* tee hee

I heard from him and my boss today that the supposed candy store in Nowhere, actually had abandonned looking mines near by that my inspector swore to me people lived in. He told me that once he passed the sign to enter the area, his cell phone had no signal.

Once he explained who he was to the owner, the guy flipped out, went for the shotgun and told my guy that he needed to come back with the sheriff if he was going on the store owner's property.

*still laughing*

Did I mention this is a commercial property?

My sympathetic response was something along the lines of "At least he didn't make you squeal like a pig."

Anyway, I couldn't stop laughing with my poor inspector. He let me know that he tried to call my work line all afternoon yesterday while he was cursing my name.

Who would have thought critiquing candy shops could require hazard pay?

Just thought I'd share my little ray of sunshine I received today when others were trying to throw pooh on my parade.

Have a good day.

To Jump or Play It Safe?

I realize that I have always been very fortunate with some aspects of my life. It could be considered a blessing or a curse, but I usually start off rather spoiled, then go down hill from there.

A prime example is work. For years now I've longed for my dream career, the one in which I operate my own lollipop cart, like Fong (played by Shengyi Huang) in Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle. Currently, it's like I work in a candy store. Among the plethora of candy available to sell, there are lollipops. However, the lollipops are shipped in from lollipop contractors. There enlies my problem. I don't want to merely have the cart where I sell lollipops out on the street corner, I want to make my own lollipops. I thought I would learn this craft at the candy store. I found out I was sorely mistaken.

The next thing I know, years have gone by and I'm still at the candy store. It's not a rocket science type of job. The people there are such a joy to work with. Some not so much, but hey those are at every job for the most part. Luckily this is like the FAO Swartz of candy stores, so it's a big place, and thankfully those people are not in my group. My group rocks. Also, since it's a big company, I have great benefits and retirement program. I really have a great thing going for me.

However, it's not challenging me in the way I want to be challenged. A part of me still longs for my lollipop business.

A couple of months back, I realized I was getting closer to being "vested" with the candy store. So I decided to seriously look into what I want to do with my career life. Should I stay with the candy store? Should I go to school and learn to make lollipops, since I'm obviously not getting on-the-job training? Or look into working at a lollipop factory? I started to pray on the matter. I even went to temple for the first time in Lord knows when.

A couple of days after meditation and prayer, I'm out doing an errand for the candy store, and who do I meet? A sensay of lollipop makers. She reminded me of the lollipop man in Sing-yuen Chung's Bet to Basic when the smitten Lloyd (Jordan Chan) takes Peggy (Rain Li) to some old man who hand-made Peggy's favorite hard-to-find lollipops right before their eyes. I met my lollipop man. At this meeting, I was told that I was bright and intelligent. The lollipop sensay saw promise in me as a future lollipop maker, and was willing to have me join her small shop. It's not a factory. The business consists of the lady, her lollipop business partner, and their store manager. They were starting to grow as a company and looking for their first real employee.

Initially, excitement took over. There were some scheduling delays, but over a couple of months we finally had a couple of interviews, and they made me an offer. This is where my dilemma and realization of just how spoiled I am set in.

The money they offered me is slightly more than what I make now. However, the benefits and retirement are practically non-existent. So really it's like a pay cut to join them. That's when I realized my spoiledness, and the true question of "Am I a risk taker or do I play it safe?" came to mind. Do I jump at my opportunity that could possibly move me in the direction of my dream career, or stay at the candy store until they finally have the resources to make lollipops in-shop again?

Like I said before, I like the people at my job, it's not stressful, and the benefits are outstanding. I pay $25 a month for health insurance, and I get the Mayo Clinic in my health plan. To say the least, the small lollipop shop can't compare, which I expected. I was just hoping for more money to balance the lack of benefits so the move could feel more lateral. But it has the potential to be a step in the direction of my dream career. And I met the person right at a time when I was asking for a sign.

If the lollipop makers will have me, I would love that private apprenticeship option to work with them. I realize the financial sacrifice associated to it. Since I am young enough with no family, now would be the time, if any, to take it. So the question is really a matter of when to begin work with them.

Moral of the random thought: I've learned that I'm actually more of a risk taker than I originally thought.

Recurring conclusion: The Universe is just so witty at times. It gives me the good stuff first, so I know what it's like to lose the little fluffy cushions to accomplish the bigger goals and dreams... Yep, that sense of humor always seems to keep me on my toes.

Good luck to all of you, whether you are the type to jump or play it safe. May you be able to laugh with Universe, or at least find a way to laugh back at it.

Strength or Friendship?

This morning I awoke reminded of the tragedy that is my weakness. I understand lots of people have weaknesses or addictions, but one of my current ones is like being addicted to milk when you are lactose intolerant. It's as if I am weak to the temptation of having a glass of milk with cookies or cake when I know it will cause me to be puking ill and possibly break out in an awful rash afterwards. We will say what I have is a weakness for "chocolate".

Basically, I was wearing my veil of denial, when I met the person who would become, we shall say, my chocolate dealer. At first, I thought nothing of our meeting. We became that gray area of friends that fall between more than acquaintances but not close true friends. We hung out daily, usually had lunch together, talked about work, relationships, nonsense, etc. But not the type of friends that would be at the top of each other's dial-a-friend-when-in-need list.

Some events happened in my life about a year ago, and my gray area friend presented me with the opportunity to have chocolate. I knew it was wrong. I knew that I would be ill if I had any. But low and behold, I tasted it. And sure enough, I got physically ill from just a little taste. Not right away. In the aftermath, when I was home, alone, and hovering over the toilet. Yet for some reason, a slight inner part of me enjoyed chocolate in the moment, and began to want it. In short, I tormented myself.

Part of my torment was feeling like a hypocrite. This was a most painful rude awakening in my lack of self discipline and control. After years and years of telling others with a similar reaction to have enough will power to stay away from chocolate because it will cause illness afterwards, I felt God's sense of humor sweep down on me and knock me right on my tush.

However, I had redemption 6 months ago. I finally had the strength to do as Barbara Bush taught and just said no! But ever since my first taste, a bigger problem developed that wasn't just the mere chocolate. It was my relationship with my gray area friend who was now my dealer.

I tend to keep my veil of denial handy for just such situations, and it was in full use. I was in denial about my dealer as my friend. Or would it be my friend as my dealer? After one becomes your dealer, can that person be your friend anymore? Can I have a relationship without chocolate being involved?

I wanted the answer to be yes. An open confession is that I still do. But I guess when you think about it, how can one be sober and friends with one's dealer?

I went 6 months without so much as a taste of chocolate. Initially, my dealer would try to use a spray bottle and put a mist of chocolatein the air as I walked by, but I quickly whipped out my pocket-sized fan and didn't let the scent get to me. My dealer got the hint and acted like my gray area friend again. I have a feeling my dealer may have brought out the spray bottle more. But again, I was wearing my veil. I may have missed those attempts.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that when I stopped by my dealer's office, my dealer would have chocolate chips and bars sitting out in the open at the work area where we would visit. Then, I somehow let my dealer actually talk to me about chocolate and how nice it would be to try it again. Reminiscing about the times we shared chocolate together. I thought I was strong enough to handle this now.

I was wrong. Yesterday, for the first time, I caved. I took the slightest nibble of a chocolate chip... and whose hand fed it to me? My dealer. My gray area friend. My dealer, who would try to use the title of gray area friend, and say that my wishes for sobriety were being respected. But looking back now, how could that be? How can a dealer respect your wishes of sobriety when the dealer wants you to share chocolate with him or her. A dealer doesn't have to have an allergic reaction to chocolate or milk like I do. I feel mine believes this is the category to belong in. So my dealer can have all the chocolate my dealer wants and, only if using stupidity about quantity and time, maybe get the runs later. Or so my dealer thinks. I think my dealer has been hit by the short bus too many times.

In conclusion, I caved yesterday. But the part that irritates me more is that I'm angry with no one to blame. Why blame my dealer? I should have known better. My dealer may have wanted to be my gray area friend, but I guess this shows that once the line was crossed, my dealer is the dealer in this relationship. A friendship may be in there somewhere, but I think my dealer is addicted to sharing chocolate with me. That being said, how can my dealer be my gray area friend again?

I guess that's what disappoints me most. I'm disappointed in my veil. It obviously didn't hold up. My gray area friend showed the colors of a dealer, and I learned that I really have a hard time saying no to chocolate when it's gently brushed against my lips. I can say no when I avoid a situation like that, but I'm obviously weak in the situation.

I try to look on the positive side that I learned this about myself and my weaknesses. But it's a weakness I don't want to have. Ever! I'm embarrassed and ashamed, and wish to be stronger. Not to mention, I'm bummed about losing my gray area friend.

May no one else have to go through this decision of choosing strength for yourself over a friendship or illusion of a friendship.

Oh the Time Consumption of Mundane Tasks!

By the way, I will eventually make time to get my title section back. Someday! Someday it will happen!... If only this was my biggest trial and tribulation in life...if only...

I actually have some random stories of the mental debates and trying thoughts going through my mind that I would love to share with you and receive feedback on. However, I'm apparently not making the time.

I tried to stay asleep as long as I could this morning, but I woke up trying to choreograph my thoughts and current whines into a story or two I'd like to put here. I even debated which one to put in first. Yet neither thought shall be written any time soon due to the time consumtion caused by the tedious tasks I've been handed at work. My group has been asked to put all our regular work on hold so we may do DATA ENTRY. *cringe*

Correction, I mean to complete the breath taking task of DATA ENTRY that is upon us. Then, once we complete the all important data entry, I have to photocopy and print a bunch of documents to make folders for other people.... Who usually do that for themselves.

In conclusion, it may take me some time before I can finally add some riveting new posts. Hopefully they will continue to be as spectular as they were in my mind this morning. But as the day progresses and new events occur, all could be lost, and they could simply become boring (yet still random) thoughts from a spoiled whiner.

So please be well and enjoy your day. May you all still find something to smile about even in the face of adversity... In fact, if you see adversity's face, please make a silly face for me and mock it! Mock it well! Adversity deserves a good mocking and silly face made at it every now and again.

Oh yes, and if you can, find something to do at the tedious tasks of the day to make them better too. Or at least to make them feel quicker or easier to get through. I'm currently still working at this project myself.

Good Day!