Jealousy

Have you ever been jealous over someone who wasn't yours?

I realize that people are not property, but there is a sort of "he's mine"/ "she's mine" when it comes to relationships. Would you agree?

I was out at a gathering with friends last night and realized I'm jealous. It's quite disturbing, and I don't like it.

I don't even think I'm jealous of a person. I'm jealous of an idea.

There's a guy that part of me wants, and the other part of me doesn't. The feeling is mutual with him.
There's a girl who's in love with and dating a guy who's.... Well.... He's interesting. He's loud and obnoxious, and has a tendency to not always tend to his girlfriend's emotional needs. Sometimes I wonder if he really doesn't pick up on things because he's not use to long-term, serious relationships, or if he is just an insensitive ass. But she is in love with him and they've been dating for over a year. All of these people hang out in a particular friend circle.

I'm also not always one for subtle. But for awhile now, I've noticed a subtle, under the skin flirtation between the guy that I seem to want and don't want and the girl in love with the interesting guy. After last night (really I think sooner than that), I feel if the girl in love with the interesting guy decides love isn't enough to make that relationship work or they break up, she and the guy I sometimes want and don't want could be an item. I think this came more to light last night than any other because someone else in the circle also noticed the subtle friendly flirtation between the two and commented, as well. For some reason, I think that put me in a bit of a funk today.

I don't know why. I remember a year ago, I was encouraging the guy to date other people (we kind of dated before and after that moment), I wanted him to go out and find a woman that would make him happy. I honestly thought I felt within myself that I wanted both of us to be happy, so if we aren't making each other happy, then there's no reason to waste time dating each other. We'll just continue as friends and hope for the best for each other. I was working with that attitude for awhile. But today, I sit here feeling bummed that it's not me he wants.

I feel like I've been doing a mantra of one of my bathroom wall quotes:

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe I'm PMS-ing. I think they could make a cute couple. I question them making it to marriage, but they could be good for each other. But I guess I've been single for so long now that I'm getting jealous of the idea that someone can find his or her other, and be treated like the beautiful and desirable person (inside and out) that he/she deserves. Whether I've been single or in a relationship, I always use to have a huge inward smile when I saw people find that person to be in love with and share joy with. But right now, I'm sorry to say, I'm jealous.

So there's my confession that's been distracting my work day.
Back to the trenches.