The Cottage Cheese to Cankle Heifer Rant

The candy store does not pay all that well, so I take on second and third jobs from time to time. , One of them I work events, such as auctions, concerts, charities, etc, at different places.

Tonight I worked the supposedly upwardly mobile section of an auction charity with concert. The upwardly Mobile section is filled with people who can afford to bid $350,000 for 4 tickets to a concert in the name of charity, and people who wish they could afford to piss away $350,000 as a tax write off to go see a Rolling Stones concert.

When I work the upwardly mobile section, I deal with a wide variety of people in those two groups. The alcohol consumption level definitely has a tendency to effect the variety of personalities. And though I met several special people tonight, I'm going to focus this rant on the woman described in the title.

My coworkers and I accept that we are not perfect. We make fun of each other and accept our imperfections. I personally know that when I looked down at my legs the other day, I realized I was in the early stages of developing cankles. For those of you who don't know what a cankle is, it is when one can't seem to differentiate b/w the calf and ankle, as if they have become one. It is usually seen on heavier set people.

Since I worked the floater position tonight, I stood by one of the doors to help with tickets into the "VIP" section at the beginning of the event. Only people with designated passes are allowed past these doors. As my coworkers and I stand there, we see this couple walk in and continue on to the other door. We promptly seize this moment to comment on the woman's attire.

This most likely in her 50's woman, who could have been in her 40's, was in a white halter top, and straight denim skirt, with a ruffle at the bottom. The skirt went down to about mid thigh. The lady wore no panty hose, and I did not pay attention to bra... I never made it that high. Well, I did notice she was blonde. I also noticed that her gut hung over the denim skirt, but at least was covered by the shirt. She did not have the peek-a-boo pooge. However, her legs could have been flattered a bit more if she decided to wear panty hose or a longer skirt. Because that skirt showed cottage cheese dimples all the way to the cankles. It was actually quite impressive. None of us had seen that before. We'd seen cottage cheese thighs before, but it takes skill to get the dimples of flesh down that low, I'm sure.

On a side note, I am by no stretch of the imagination one for current fashion. I too get ridiculed for my lack of style. Part of me feels thankful when I see people dress crazy or unflattering and look completely comfortable in what they are wearing. Another part of me wishes they don't because I can't seem to burn the images from my mind's eye.

Continuing on:

In the beginning of the evening, the woman was relatively pleasant. I could tell by some of her actions, that she and her man were new & not accustom to the VIP section. However, as the night progressed and the alcohol level increased, she didn't please me.

I'm pretty lenient at my posts. But I do get incredibly irked when people decide to ignore the obvious, like I must be at that post for a reason, and treat me like I am something to look past, like the potted plant in the waiting room of the doctor's office. I realize I am just the person in uniform that probably makes less than their house keepers, but I am a human being with a job to do.

Since my coworkers and I noticed the woman when she came into the building, I know which entrance she came in from. I.e. I also know where the exit is for her man and she to make it back to the parking garage.

So, towards the middle of the event, I'm manning my cowoker's post while she's on break. Her post was at the original door near the parking garage. Cottage Cheese to Cankle Woman and her man approach my door and attempt to try to blow right past me.

"Ticket Please. May I help you?"

"We're just trying to leave." As she points past me.

I point behind her (and before one enters my door) and inform her the exit is that way.

She proceeds to look past me and tell me, "Oh no, we're farther down this way." And tries to pass me again.

"Ticket please."

"But we're just trying to leave."

"Yes, ma'am, but if you are going to leave through these doors you need to show me your ticket." (side note: That's part of their security for the VIP section, there's a couple of different steps that have to be taken to confirm that someone didn't just come to the VIP section without a ticket for that event, or that several people try to get in using the same ticket.)

She looks frustrated (not to mention her eyes are red and glazed over), and shows me their tickets. As I'm looking at their tickets, another couple attempts to just blow right past me!!

What the bleep?!? Does a person standing at the door taking tickets just make you think, "oh wait! That's for everyone else but me, I'll just go around."

In the words of Carlos Mencia, "Dee dee dee!"

Yes, I'm aware it's the stupid and little things that cause me to rant.

So as I'm trying to speak over the loud music to tell the guy that I need to check his tickets and to please wait by the door, I reach behind me for the black light to check the hand stamps on the drunk Cottage Cheese to Cankle Woman, she and her dippy man have decided that showing me their tickets was good enough and started taking off down the hallway. I knew the woman really did belong in the VIP section, because I saw her there earlier when I made my rounds. It was just the principle of the matter that they couldn't seem to respect that I had a job to do... Same goes for the second couple. It was just odd, I've had to deal with events where hundreds of people go through my post, bribing me to get in here and there, and this felt like I was doing that type of crowd control, yet I was only dealing with 4 people! And at a charity event, no less!

Just to make things fitting, Cottage Cheese to Cankle Woman showed up at my door again because low and behold, they circled the entire floor only to come back to me stating they were lost and didn't know how to get to the parking garage which was the opening right before my door. This time when I pointed to it, they finally went in the right direction.

I hope the man was driving.

So that's my rant. Nothing really impressive or has a point, other than some times drunk people who act stupid, don't listen, and don't dress in ways to flatter themselves on top of that tend to irk me. I'm sure I've been one of them and this is karma, but still. Working a KISS concert, I could expect and prep for something like this. Working a charity event with a concert act like Yanni, not so much. Not to mention, I was actually enjoying the music, so they interrupted my groove. I'm sure that's really why I was irked above all else.

Please take care, and be sure to not drink and drive.